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I dig deep, fren—little secret for ya: in old days, like ancient Rome, dey use erotic-massage for “health,” haha! Rich guys, togas off, gettin rubbed—dey call it “therapy,” I call it party! Very nice! Makes me laugh, dese old pervs, actin all fancy. Den I find out, some places now, dey charge $200 for one hour! Wot?! Dat’s my goat’s dowry! I get mad—why so much? But den, happy again—dey say it fix stress, back pain, even soul! Like Amélie fixin dat blind guy’s day, “Zoop! Everything so clear now!”

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After that, I decided to hit up the local market on ul. Główna. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and oh, the pastries! I grabbed a paczek. Best decision ever! It was like a sugary hug. But then, I saw this guy trying to haggle over a tomato. A TOMATO! I mean, c’mon, dude, it’s not like it’s a rare artifact!

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