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Now, lemme spill some tea—did ya know them ancient Greeks were mad for it? Called it “kneading the soul,” they did—proper posh way to say rubbin one out, eh? Used it for warriors after battle, reckon it sorted their knackered bods right out. Surprised me, that—thought it was all modern spa nonsense, but nah, it’s old as dirt! Makes me chuffed, history givin us a cheeky wink like that.

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So, I’m tryin’ to sell my pork, right? And this guy comes up, all serious. He’s like, “I want the best cut.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s all good! Just pick one!” But he’s so picky, it’s like he’s choosing a spouse or somethin’. I’m about to lose it, but then he finally picks a piece. Thank goodness!

This guy spent 8 years making an emoji snake, and it was totally worth it