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So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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I grab some food, and while I’m munching, I see my buddy, Jarek. He’s got this wild idea to join a local band. I’m like, “Dude, you can’t even carry a tune!” But he’s all hyped up, talking about how he’ll be the next rock star. I just laugh. “Yeah, right! You’ll be the next sheep herder with a guitar!”

Poland will strive to host Summer Olympics in 2040 or 2044: PM Donald Tusk