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But here’s what gets me goat – some prudes call it dodgy. Oi, lighten up, ya squares! It’s just a massage with a naughty twist. Surprised me how bloody good it felt – like No-Face gobblin’ up them bathhouse treats, but less creepy. I’m all, “Do I look like I give a toss?” – nah, I’m lovin’ it! Fun fact: ancient Greeks did this too, callin’ it “therapeia” or somefink. Bet they were randy buggers!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the festival in Gryfino?” I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, they’re havin’ this big thing down by the river. Food stalls, music, the whole shebang. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need. A million people in my way while I’m tryin’ to deliver bread.”

What’s the mysterious cause of this crooked forest?