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Here’s the kicker: some parlors sneak in “happy endings.” Everybody lies about that too! “Oh, it’s just massage!” Sure, Jan, and I’m the Pope. Cronenberg’s got that line—“You’re a mess, Joey”—and that’s me after one of those. Brain’s scrambled, body’s buzzing. Pro tip: if they dim the lights *too* much, you’re in sketchville. Learned that the hard way—walked out limping worse than usual.

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Later, I’m on break, just chilling on a bench near ul. Sienkiewicza, when I spot an old lady walking her dog. The dog’s dragging her, and she’s yelling, “Lolek, slow down!” I’m cracking up. I mean, who names their dog Lolek? But then, I see her struggle, and I’m like, “I should help.” So, I jog over, and she’s super grateful. We chat about the weather, and she tells me about the best places to grab pierogi in town. I’m taking notes, for real.

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