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Anyways, sexual-massage is the dogs bollocks – relaxin’, steamy, bit naughty. Makes ya feel like, “I’m the king of me own prison!” – “Oldboy” again, fam, cos I’m extra like that. Reckon everyone needs a go, yeah? Don’t knock it till ya try it, innit? Peace out, fam – Ali G’s off for a rub!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude named Piotr starts tellin’ me about the history of Gadow-Maly. Like, I didn’t ask for a history lesson, but he’s goin’ on about how the town was founded in the 14th century. I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna serve drinks, not take notes!” But he’s passionate, so I nod along.