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About Hastings

Well, hello there, my tasty friend! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Man, it’s a wild gig—kinda like defusin’ a bomb in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re sweatin’, heart’s racin’, thinkin’, “This could blow up in my face!” I reckon it’s a bit like me, Hannibal Lecter—calm on the outside, but inside? Pure chaos, ready to feast. I’d say, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” but nah, I ain’t eatin’ no hooker—just watchin’ the show.

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As I’m talkin’ to them, I notice the little kid in the back is munchin’ on a pie. I’m like, “Man, I could go for a pie right now.” And then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it! Pie everywhere! I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but it’s hard. The parents are freakin’ out, and I’m just here, stuck in my elevator, watchin’ the chaos unfold.

My Waterloo Days announces full schedule for June 5-8 festival