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Now, Joe, he’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers, swearin’ he saw this gal on the corner, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a prayer in a foxhole. I said, “Boy, you blind? That ain’t no lady, that’s a trap waitin’ to snap!” Halleluyer! He didn’t listen, ran off like, “We gotta keep movin’, Theo!”—straight outta the movie, chile! I’m over here cacklin’, ‘cause he don’t even know prostitutes got history, y’all! Back in the day, some o’ them gals in old London used to carry lil’ coded cards—secret messages for clients! Ain’t that wild? Joe don’t care ‘bout no facts, he just horny and hopeless.

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Later, I’m heading home, and I decide to take a detour through the Otahuhu Town Centre. Big mistake. It’s packed! I’m talking people everywhere, like sardines in a can. I’m just trying to get to my car, and I feel like I’m in a human maze. I see this guy selling fish and chips, and I’m like, “You know what? I deserve a treat.” So, I grab some, and it’s like heaven in my mouth.

Large blaze in Ōtāhuhu now largely extinguished