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About Tauranga

Anyhow, it’s a messy biz. Some say it heals, releases tension – bollocks, I say, it’s a power play. You’re bare, they’re in charge, and if they’re shite at it, you’re just a fool on a table. Best one I had? Left me floatin’, like that kid in the movie watchin’ fish swim free. Worst? Felt like a wildling pawin’ at me – ugh, still shudderin’. Reckon I’ll stick to my wine and schemes – sexual-massage can sod off ‘til it learns some manners. “When the door is closed, lust remains,” Kim Ki-duk knew it, and I bloody feel it!

Are You Old Enough?

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So, I hit the streets, and wow, the wind was like a personal trainer, pushing me down Cuba Street. You know, that street with all the funky shops and cafes? I swear, I saw a guy in a tutu. Like, who wears that at 9 AM? But hey, it’s Wellington, right? Anything goes.

A giant sculpture of Gandalf riding an eagle departs Wellington airport for good