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Oh, and the lies – “It’s just a massage,” they say. Bullshit. It’s foreplay with extra steps, and I’m here for it. Little known story – Victorian docs used “pelvic massages” to “cure” women’s “hysteria” – vibrator’s granddaddy, basically. Quacks got rich, ladies got off, everybody lied about it. Hilarious, right?

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So, I’m finally makin’ my way to the job site. I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. But nah, life had other plans. I pull up to this construction site on the corner of Halsey St. and I see a bunch of blokes lookin’ all stressed. Turns out, they’re short on hands. “Hey mate, can ya help us out?” they ask. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

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