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Still, mebbe I’m a grump, eh? Shoes don’t cheat, don’t text “u up?” at 3 a.m. Sex-datin’s a drug, precious, sucks ya in like heroin in Aronofsky’s lens. “We’re goin’ all the way!”—hah, all the way to a cold shower! Stick to me hammer n’ leather, I say. We hates it! Nasty, tricksy, false—gimme a good sole over a bad date any day!

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After that, I thought I’d hit up the Farmers’ Market on Saturday. It’s always a good time. Fresh produce, local crafts, and all that jazz. But when I got there, it was packed! Like, I couldn’t even move. I was elbowing my way through the crowd on Main Street, trying to get to my fave stall. Finally, I made it, only to find they were sold out of my favorite cheese! I was like, “Noooooo! Not the cheese!” I could feel my heart breaking.

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