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Oh, and the rumors? Some say Cleopatra invented the sexy rubdown—bullshit, prolly, but I’d buy it, she was wild. Funny thing, tho—half these masseuses got hands like stormtroopers, missin every damn shot. Sarcasm aside, when it’s good, it’s galactic. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d trade my lightsaber for a solid hour of that. So, yeah, erotic-massage—slow, dark, messy, like Anatolia’s endless roads. Try it, kid, but don’t get ripped off. *heavy breathing* I am your father, and I approve.

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Finally, I catch a break. I trap a big one—like, the size of a small cat. I’m feeling like a champ. But then, I hear this noise. It’s a bunch of kids from Naenae College, laughing and filming me. Great, now I’m a meme. “Ratcatcher slips on pizza.” Just what I needed.

Family of girl who was punched in the face at Naenae's new pool say staff intervened 'too late'