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So, lil’ story—heard this from a mate in Moscow. Some underground joint, dim lights, shady vibes—guy goes in, thinks it’s just a massage, bam, next thing, hands wanderin’ where they shouldn’t! He’s shocked, happy, confused—like, “This ain’t in the brochure!” Little known fact: back in Soviet days, these “special” massages were hush-hush for big shots, Party elites gettin’ their kinks sorted. History’s wild, eh?

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After that, I decide to hit up the mall. Westfield, baby! I’m strolling through, and I see this sale sign. My heart skips a beat. I rush in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. People are diving for clothes like it’s Black Friday. I’m dodging elbows and flying shoes. I grab a shirt, and this lady next to me is like, “That’s mine!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!”

Three people charged over aggravated robbery of Lower Hutt dairy