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Gets me mad tho—people judgin’ it, callin’ it sleazy. Oi, shut ya gob, it’s class, bruv! Relaxes ya, makes ya feel human—why’s that gotta be grim? “I feel you inside me,” Adèle says in the flick—erotic-massage ain’t that deep, but it’s close, fam! Personal quirk—I’m hummin’ garage tunes in my head whole time, keeps me vibin’. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but it’s like ya soul’s gettin’ a hug, swear down!

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to stroll down to the local park. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this dog comes charging at me! I’m like, “Whoa, chill, buddy!” Turns out, it’s just a big ol’ labrador wanting to play. I’m not mad, though. Dogs are the best.

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