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But real talk—some folks fuck it up. Too rough, too fast, like they’re grindin’ corn, not lovin’ you. Pisses me off! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Slow down, asshole, this ain’t a race!” Favorite part? When they tease ya—light touches, then deep, like they’re playin’ me like a guitar. “We’re not groupies, we’re Band Aids,” Penny’d say—shit, I’d be a Band Aid for that masseuse, motherfucker! Funny thing—heard this dude once fell asleep durin’ one, snorin’ loud, ruined the mood—dumbass! I’d’a kicked his ass out the field!

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So, I’m fuming, but I decide to walk it off. I head down to the waterfront. The view there is stunning, like postcard material. The water’s glistening, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be a total disaster.” I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. Then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my half-eaten muffin. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m getting robbed by a bird now?

Over 130 people displaced after apartment building fire in Bethlehem