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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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So, I grab my gear and head out. The air is thick with smoke, and I can see the fire trucks. It’s like a scene from a movie, but not the good kind. I get there, and the shop owner is losing it. “My life’s work!” he screams. I feel for the guy, but I gotta do my job. I start asking questions, and he’s all over the place. One minute he’s crying, the next he’s pointing fingers. Classic.

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