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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk prostitutes, ya hear me? Not just any hooker, but the whole damn deal—what’s it mean, what’s it feel like, all that jazz. Now, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my favorite flick, *The Headless Woman*—Lucrecia Martel, 2008, total mind-bender—and it’s got me seein’ this in a freaky new light. That movie’s all about guilt, confusion, rich folks ignorin’ the mess they make—like, “I didn’t see anything,” she says, while the world’s fallin’ apart ‘round her. Kinda like how society treats prostitutes, right? We see ‘em, we don’t see ‘em—depends who’s payin’!

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But then, I get a text from my boss. “We need to talk about your performance.” I’m like, “Oh great, just what I need.” I’m back to feeling stressed. I mean, can’t a manager catch a break?

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