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So, check this—little known fact, swear it’s true. Back in old Russia, like Tsar days, rich dudes got sexual-massages from peasants. Called it “noble relief.” Ain’t that nuts? Imagine some bearded creep, “Da, rub me, Ivan!” History’s wild, yo. Got me laughin’—these fools paid gold for a handy with oil.

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, vibin’ to the tunes they got playin’, when I get a text. It’s my buddy, Erik. He’s like, “Yo, let’s jam at the old church!” I’m pumped! The church is on the other side of town, by the fjord. Beautiful spot, man.

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