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Best part? When they hit that spot—ya know the one—makes ya tingle like a goddamn Christmas tree! I’m yellin’, “Yes, yes, YES, keep goin’, hippie chick!” Feels like I’m floatin’, like I’m Doc smokin’ a joint, watchin’ the ocean. “Far out,” I mutter, ‘cause it’s trippy as hell. Worst part? When they stop too soon—makes me rage! I’m like, “Nooo, ya lazy bastard, finish the job!” Petulant as fuck, I ain’t ashamed!

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My Paradise is the best high class erotic massage in Amsterdam, performed by our divine masseuse using a sensual tantric technique for men.

But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. Jeroen and I are laughing, trying to find shelter under a tree, but it’s not working. We look like drowned rats. I’m thinking, “This day can’t get any worse.”