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I’m gettin’ all excited, ‘cause it’s sneaky, y’know? You gotta know the spots – alleys, dive bars, those creepy motels with the flickerin’ signs. Surprised me how chill some gals were, like, “Hey, man, it’s cool, just don’t be a creep.” Made me happy, ‘cause I hate sleazy jerks ruinin’ it for everyone. Oh, but the typos, hon – I’m typin’ fast, fngers slippin’, prolly 17 mistakes already, whoops! Don’t care, it’s us talkin’, right?

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When I get there, this lady is practically in tears. “They’re huge!” she says. “Like, bigger than my cat!” I’m thinkin’, lady, your cat must be tiny. But I nod and head up to the attic.