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About Myself
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About Almere
One time, I’m at this dive bar—stale beer, sticky floors—and this chick struts in. Legs for days, man! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be one.” Turns out, she was! Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause I called it. But then—get this—she tries chargin’ me double! I’m like, “What in tarnation? I ain’t no cash cow!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t know who I am!”—straight outta the movie. I ain’t no pushover, lady!
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First thing, I spill flour everywhere. Like, seriously, it’s a snowstorm in my kitchen. I’m tryna be all chef-like, but I’m just a hot mess. I mean, who knew flour could fly like that? I’m sneezing, cursing, and laughing at myself. Classic me.
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