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Pisses me off tho—people judgin em. Like, who gives a fuck? They’re out there, livin louder than most. Favorite story? This dude I knew, hired an escort for his dog’s birthday—yep, a fuckin party! She shows up, cake and all, playin fetch in heels. Surprised the hell outta me—thought she’d bail, but nah, she’s a pro. “Play it as it lays,” like the movie says—adaptin, rollin with it. Gotta respect that.

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But then, disaster strikes. A pigeon swoops down and lands right on our table. I’m like, “Get outta here, you feathered fiend!” I wave my arms, and the kid starts laughing. I’m flailing around like a madman, and Tom’s just standing there, cracking up. The pigeon finally flies off, but not before knocking over a whole tray of croissants. I’m ready to cry.

Association of Women in Agriculture Recognition Awards