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So, I’m thinkin’, why not? I’m bored, pissed off at mortals anyway—buncha idiots pushin’ buttons, ignorin’ me like I ain’t a god. Findin’ a prossie sounds like a laugh, a little chaos to stir the pot. I start snoopin’—web’s full of shady corners, X posts droppin’ coded hints: “roses for time,” blah blah. Little known fact? Back in Victorian days, they called ‘em “soiled doves”—poetic, right? Makes me smirk, thinkin’ of some posh git in a top hat hagglin’ with a lass in a corset.

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First stop, I’m rollin’ down the Kerkstraat, and I see this old dude, Jan, struggling with his bike. I mean, c’mon, it’s a bike, not a rocket ship! I help him out, and he’s all like, “Dank je wel, jongen!” I’m thinkin’, “No prob, man. Just try not to fall over again.”

Gijs Leemreize