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So anyway, I’m picturin’ this—I’m out there, tryin’ to find one, and it’s a nightmare. Cars honkin’, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’—“What if she’s a cop?!” Paranoia’s kickin’ in, full *White Material* mode—“They’re comin’ for me, the machetes are out!” I’m dodgin’ shadows, lookin’ like a lunatic. Finally—finally!—I spot her, right? Kinda classy, kinda not—heels clickin’, skirt’s hiked up. Pretty, pretty good, I’m thinkin’. But then—oh God—then I’m talkin’ to her, and it’s a mess. “H-hi, uh, how’s this work?” I stammer, and she’s like, “What’s wrong with you?” Nothin’s wrong! I’m just me! Neurotic, twitchy me!

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I strap on my parachute. Yeah, you heard me right. We don’t just fight fires; we drop in like ninjas. I leap outta the chopper, and it’s like flying. The wind’s whipping past me, and I’m thinkin’, “This is the life!” But then, I see the flames. They’re angry, like a toddler who lost their toy.

Dutch Say Farewell To AH-64D Apache Helicopters