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Pro tip: don’t be a dumbass, use protection, fo’ shizzle. Ain’t tryna catch nothin’ worse than a cold. And don’t fall in love, dawg – that’s a rookie move. This one cat I knew spent his rent on a hooker, cryin’ when she ghosted. I’m like, “Bro, she’s a pro, not your wifey!” Reminds me of *Toni* – “It’s not about winning, it’s about surviving.” Deep shit.

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Then, my boss, Mr. Jansen, walks in. He’s all chipper, like he just drank a gallon of espresso. He’s like, “Hey, how’s it going?” I’m like, “Dude, my computer’s dead. Can’t you see?” But he just laughs it off. Ugh, so annoying!

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