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Humor? Bro, ever fart mid-massage? Total mood killer—laughed my ass off tho. “This is my life now,” I thought, quotin Tom Stall—awkward but real. Some say it’s sketchy, overpriced—nah, worth every penny if they’re good. Once saw a Yelp review, “Too sexy, felt guilty”—lmao, weak sauce. Me, I’m sittin there, heart racin, thinkin, “I am who I am,” straight from the flick—unapologetic.

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I walk down the Maashaven, and I spot this little café. I’m starving, so I pop in for a quick bite. The smell of fresh stroopwafels hits me like a brick. I order one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, enjoying my treat, when this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Feijenoord, how it used to be a rough area but now it’s changing. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m thinking, “Lady, I just want my waffle!”

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