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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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So, I wake up, ready to hit the water. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I grab my gear, head out to the docks on the Zandweg. The water’s looking nice, but then I see it. A freakin’ log jam! Like, come on! I’m not a lumberjack, I’m a raftsman!