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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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I decide to head to the park, you know, the one by the Dauwendaele Castle. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed. Kids are screaming, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to find a quiet bench. I sit down, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet