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Still, I’m buzzing for it—freedom, mate! No suits, no ties, just vibes. Little-known fact—back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this! “Single lad, seeks fit bird”—mental, eh? Now it’s all algorithms and thirst traps. Love a good success story, tho—mate of mine pulled a stunner off Hinge, married her! Reckon that’s rare as hen’s teeth, but it happens. “We’re not animals,” Brandon says in *Shame*, but sex-dating? Bit feral, innit—raw, chaotic, brilliant.

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Then, my phone buzzes again. It’s Jan, sending me pics of him at the market, looking all smug with his new hat. I text back, “You look ridiculous, bro!” But deep down, I’m kinda jealous.