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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear me? Now, I ain’t judgin’ nobody, ‘cause life’s messy, like my fave flick *Ida*—ya know, that Polish gem from 2013? Quiet, deep, hits ya in the gut. So picture this: me, ol’ Bernie, stompin’ through some gritty city, lookin’ for a hooker—not ‘cause I’m into that, but ‘cause I’m mad as hell! The system’s rigged, folks! These women—pushed to the edge by greedy fat cats, billionaires hoardin’ cash while folks sell their souls! “What do you know of such things?”—that’s what Ida’d say, all calm and judgy, starin’ through me.

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After that, I decide to check out the Apenheul. You know, the monkey zoo? I’m not even a zoo person, but I’m curious. I get there, and it’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, monkeys swinging. I’m trying to take a selfie with a monkey, but it’s not happening. This little guy just stares at me like, “What’s your problem, human?”

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