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But yo, here’s a lil’ secret – back in ancient Rome, they were wild with this shit. They’d do erotic rubdowns with olive oil, callin’ it some fancy Latin crap – “massage-a-tron 3000” or whatever. True story, blew my mind when I read it, like, “Remy’d be proud, mixin’ oil and chaos!” Makes me wonder if Caesar ever got one and was like, “Et tu, Brute? Rub harder!”

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Now I’m mad. I mean, who lets their dog run wild like that? I look around for the owner, and there’s this guy just laughing. I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my day!” He shrugs and says, “Dogs will be dogs.” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m not a dog!”

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