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I reckon it’s a bit dodgy, though—makes me proper mad. These escorts, right, they’re dodgin’ coppers, dealin’ with nutters. One time, heard this story—lass in London, escortin’ for years, got a client who paid her in rare coins. Coins! Mental, innit? She’s laughin’ all the way to the bank, but then—bam—bloke’s stalkin’ her. “You don’t know who sent it,” like Haneke’s line—pure chills. That’s escort life—glam one sec, nightmare the next.

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But then, I got hangry. You know that feeling? I needed food, and fast. I found this little spot on the Kerkstraat. The menu was all in Dutch, and I was like, “Great, time to play food roulette.” I ended up ordering something that looked like a sandwich but tasted like a mystery. I think it had herring? Not my fave, but hey, when in Aalsmeer, right?

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