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Aight, so check this—did ya know, ancient China was all over this? They called it some fancy name, like “tuina” or somethin’, but it was sneaky sexual-massage vibes. Emperors gettin’ it, concubines workin’ it—history’s freaky, fam! I’m hyped just thinkin’ bout it—like, imagine me, Kanye, in a silk robe, gettin’ that royal treatment. Straight up, I’d be droppin’ bars mid-massage, “I’m a god, rub me right!”

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But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, seriously? The whole place goes dark. Everyone’s like, “What’s happening?” I’m just sitting there, thinking, “This is gonna make a great game plot.” We all start laughing in the dark, making jokes about being trapped in a horror game.

The national futsal team intensifies its training at Netherlands camp