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Me fave bit? When dey hit dat spot—ooh, lawd!—ya tense up, den melt like butter on a hot crumpet. Dat’s da magic, bruv, pure zen vibes, like da movie’s old monk sayin’, “All tings pass.” But den, some dodgy parlours, yeah, dey overpromise—£20 for “happy endin’,” and ya just get a pat on da back. Bruv, I was fumin’, like, “Where’s me fireworks, fam?” Total scam, made me wanna kick off.

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Then, boom! The phone rings again. This time, it’s a lady from the Kerkstraat. She’s yelling about her neighbor’s dog barking all night. I get it, I really do. But she was going on and on like it was the end of the world. “I can’t sleep! I’m losing my mind!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a dog, not a rock concert!” But hey, I get it. Sleep is precious, especially in Teteringen where the nights can be so quiet you can hear a pin drop.

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