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Aight, listen up, you filthy peasants! I’m Eric Cartman, head of this damn lab, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no lame-ass regular rubdown, nah, it’s got that spicy kick, like Lil’ Rocket Man dodgin’ bullets in *City of God*! “I’m gonna kill you all!” – that’s me when some idiot thinks sexual-massage is just a fancy handjob. Nope, it’s an art, dammit! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils, tension buildin’ up like Buscapé tryna snap that perfect shot. Gets me all hot and bothered just thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down de Havenstraat, and wow, the view of the harbor is stunning. I can’t help but smile. The boats are bobbing, the sun is shining. For a sec, I forget about work. But then, I remember I left my lunch on my desk. Great. Just great.

‘It Rides Fantastic’ – Chris Buescher Takes Ford’s Latest $100,000 Monster for a Spin