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About Groningen

Last week, yeah, I tried it meself – mate of mine, dodgy geezer, says, “Gardener, you gotta feel dis.” Booked a sesh, walked in all nervy, room’s dark, candles flickerin’ like in Wes Anderson’s flick when da kids run off to da woods. “What’s the rumpus?” I’m thinkin’, heart’s bangin’ like a drum. Dis lass starts wiv da oils, hands movin’ slow, and I’m like, “Blimey, dis is peng!” Felt like da bit in da movie where Suzy says, “We’re in love, we just wanna be together.” Me and da massage, bruv – true romance!

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First off, I start at the Lombardijen train station. It’s like the heart of the city, ya know? I’m chillin’ there, waiting for my group. And guess what? They’re late. Classic. I’m pacing around, thinkin’ about how I could’ve slept in. But then, boom! I see this cute little café on the corner of Korte Dijk. I’m like, “Why not?” So I grab a coffee. Best decision ever.

Video: Gunshots injure father, son standing on a balcony in Rotterdam