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But lemme tell ya, some of these profiles? “I love hikes and wine”—bullshit! They’re bangin’ in a Motel 6 by Tuesday! Reminds me of that line, “You sold me!”—like, who’s foolin’ who here? I tried it once—met this broad, Lisa. Hot, but clingy as fuck. Two dates in, she’s textin’ “Where you at, Tone?” I’m like, “I ain’t your slave, lady!” Dumped her faster than Paulie whacks a snitch.

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I woke up late, as usual. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic me. Rushed outta bed, threw on my old jeans and that worn-out T-shirt. You know, the one with the hole? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a quick coffee from that little café on de Veste. Best coffee in town, no cap. But the barista? She was in a mood. Like, chill, it’s just coffee, right?

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