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What gets me happy tho—when it’s done right, it’s like—whoosh—tension’s gone, you’re floatin’. But angry? Oh, when some sleazy dude thinks it’s a free pass to get handsy—nah, bro, that’s not the deal! Surprised me how legit places actually train for this—years, dude, not just rubbin’ and hopin’. One chick told me her trainer said, “Hands must listen, not just touch”—deep, right? Straight outta Haneke’s script—“What’s hidden will surface, child!”

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After the fire drill (which turned out to be a false alarm, thank goodness), I finally get to do my thing. I’m giving my sermon, and I’m trying to be all deep and meaningful. But honestly, I can’t stop thinking about that pie. I’m like, “What’s the point of life if you can’t enjoy a good slice?”

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