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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better. I decide to walk around the neighborhood. I hit up the Markt, where they have this cool market every Wednesday. Fresh veggies, flowers, and all that good stuff. I grab some stroopwafels—heaven in a cookie. I’m munching away, feeling like life’s not so bad after all.

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