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So, mate, it’s all ‘bout them oily paws. Some lass—or bloke—kneadin’ yer back, all sensual-like. Supposed to chill ya, right? Bollocks! We’s tense as a jaw pre-root canal! Heard this dodgy tale once—Victorian toffs used it. Called it “nerve soothing,” ha! Rich sods paid gold for a tickle. Bet they’d faint seein’ today’s neon parlors.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Classic Dutch weather, right? I’m sprinting down the Kerkstraat, dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of Olympic event. I’m soaked, but I’m laughing. Like, who needs a gym when you can run from the rain?