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So, I tried it, okay? Tinder, Bumble, all that crap. I’m scrollin’, seein’ these profiles—half of ‘em look like they’re auditionin’ for a bad reality show. “Lookin’ for my soulmate!” Yeah, sure, lady, in 500 characters? Gimme a break! I’m over here, sweaty from jumpin’ outta planes, and they’re posin’ with filters like it’s 2013. Drives me up the freakin’ wall! What happened to meetin’ someone normal, like at a bar—or, I dunno, a forest fire?

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First stop, the park on de Omloop. I’m there to check on this massive oak. I mean, this tree is a beast! But as I’m climbing up, I spot a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. One kid, I swear, he boots it right into my tree! Like, dude, really? I’m up there, trying to do my job, and now I’m dodging soccer balls. I yell down, “Hey! Watch it!” They just laugh. Kids, man.

Van Diemen signing 'a real coup' for Glasgow City