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But real talk, erotic-massage got layers. It’s not just horny dudes in trench coats—tho, yeah, plenty of those. It’s ‘bout tension, release, all that jazz. Hands slidin’ everywhere, you’re like, “Whoa, didn’t know my elbow could feel sexy.” Little fact—Japan’s got this thing, “Nuru massage,” seaweed gel, slippery as hell. Sounds like a sushi accident, but people swear by it. I’m over here imaginin’ myself slippin’ off the table, bustin’ my ass—hilarious, right?

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First off, I’m cruising down de Laan, thinking about my coffee fix. I mean, who can function without caffeine? Not me! I swing by that little café on de Hoofdstraat. You know the one? The barista, bless her heart, spills my cappuccino all over the counter. Like, come on! I’m already running late. I just wanted my caffeine, not a coffee shower.

Non-slip stacking of cartons