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I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

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After the fire truck leaves (turns out it was a false alarm, phew), we head back inside. The lady is still grumpy, but I manage to distract her with a book about the history of Breukelen. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read about their own town? It’s got some cool stuff, like how it was named after Brooklyn. Mind blown, right?

Renovated Basketball Courts Open up at Breukelen Ballfield in East New York