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Humor me—imagine if office chairs had massage settings, but, like, sensual ones. Boss walks in, “What’s this vibe?” I’d be like, “Just fightin’ tension, sir!” Sarcasm aside, it’s serious. My favorite part? When partners do it, no pros needed. Intimate, ya know? But watch out for charlatans, those “follow the money” types from the movie. They ruin it.

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But then, just when I think the day’s turning around, I get a text from my coworker. “We have a meeting at 5.” I look at my watch. It’s 4:30! I’m like, “No way!” I sprint back to the office, dodging people like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.

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