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Exaggerate? Oh, they’re ALL models on there—ha! Six-packs and lashes—then ya meet ‘em, total trolls! Gollum’s quirks? I’d claw me eyes out before texting “wyd.” Sex-dating’s a circus, mate—clowns, traps, and bad smells. “I’ve been out to sea too long,” Royal’d say—me too, sick of this rubbish! Stick to pigs, precious—safer bet!

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By now, I’m feeling a bit peckish. I spot a food truck selling poffertjes. You know, those little Dutch pancakes? I can’t resist. I order a plate, and they’re so fluffy, I could cry. I’m standing there, stuffing my face, when I see a couple arguing nearby. It’s awkward, but also kinda funny. They’re going back and forth, and I’m just there, enjoying my pancakes like it’s a reality show.

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