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What pisses me off? The judgy pricks. Call ‘em slags, but who’s payin’ for the thrill? Hypocrites, all of ‘em. Makes me wanna punch somethin’. Then there’s the buzz – happy vibes when you click with one. Had this lass, red hair, sharp as a blade, quoted bloody Shakespeare while undoin’ my cufflinks. Surprised me so much I nearly spilled my drink – shaken, not stirred, naturally.

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this café called “De Groene Boom.” I mean, come on, how could I resist? I’m a forester, I love trees! I pop in for a coffee, and the barista? Total character. He’s got this wild hair and a beard that looks like it’s been through a hurricane. I order a cappuccino, and he’s like, “You want it with a sprinkle of tree bark?” I laugh, but he’s dead serious. I’m like, “Nah, man, just the coffee, please.”