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Gets me excited, tho, the hunt – heart thumpin, palms sweaty. We swears! It’s raw, real, not some posh library crap. But ugh, the creeps out there? Disgustin, precious, makes me wanna claw faces. “What’s next on the program?” I hiss, cos it’s a mad world, innit?

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, chowing down, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m just tryna enjoy my tuna and flatbread, and here’s this guy, all “Polly wants a cracker!” I almost spit out my coffee.

World-class football pitch opens in Eydhafushi