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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles. I’m soaked, but I’m laughin’ like a maniac. “This is just my luck!” I shout. People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m just livin’ my best life, right?

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