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I get angry sometime, tho. One time, masseuse stop too soon—why, woman?! Finish job! “The thing’s done,” she say, like in movie, but I want more! Happy? Oh yes, when oil drip and she whisper, “Relax, big boy,” I melt like butter on hot bread. Surprised me once—guy masseuse! I yell, “No man hand!” but he good, very strong, I shut up quick.

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my driver, Jānis. He’s stuck on Pils iela. Like, seriously? Pils? That street’s always a mess. I mean, who designed this place? A blindfolded raccoon? Anyway, he’s like, “Yo, I can’t move. Traffic’s nuts!” I’m like, “Dude, just take a detour!” But no, he’s too busy staring at the cars like they’re a magic show or something.

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