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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no fancy nonsense. Picture this, ok? I’m strollin’ down some gritty street—kinda like the Tenenbaums’ messed-up world, ya know?—and I’m thinkin’, “Royal’d probably hire a hooker just to spite Margot!” Ha! That’s the vibe. Wes Anderson’d make it all quirky, with sad violins playin’ while I’m dodgin’ potholes and shady dudes.

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I hit up Brīvības iela first. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Lots of shops, people hustlin’ and bustlin’. I’m just vibin’, when I see this dude trying to sell flowers. He’s got this wild hair, like he just got outta a wind tunnel. I’m like, “Bro, you sure those flowers ain’t gonna fly away?” He laughs, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t suck.”

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